Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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