So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
