don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
