Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
