There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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