He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
