My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Randomize
