Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
