I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
