Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I just cut my nipple shaving
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Houston, we have a squirter
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives�
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
