there was a trapeze. enough said
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
There are leaves in my underwear?
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
