is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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