I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
