pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
