Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
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