I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
