i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
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