i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
There r osticjed everywhere
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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