The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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