I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
