I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
