We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
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