you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize
