my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
