Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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