Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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