So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
