There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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