Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
