I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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