I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
