when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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