So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
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