Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Randomize
