I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
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