Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize
