Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
BRING THE BAGELS
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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