honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
