her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
the gays at disneyland are vicious
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
