My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
