Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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