I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
