My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Randomize
