In the future we'll all be gay
All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
