I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
