chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
