I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
You have to summon your inner elephant
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Randomize
