oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
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