I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
