this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
