I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
