if you like me you must not know who I am
Your tits are I can't wait for
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
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