Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
