I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
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