I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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