I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
