I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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